sharp like an edge of a samurai sword
the mental blade cut through flesh and bone
though my mind's at peace, the world out of order
missing the inner heat, life gets colder
oh yes, I have to find my path
no less, walk on earth, water, and fire
the elements compose a magnum opus
my modus operandi is amalgam
steel packed tight in microchip
on my arm a sign of all-pro
the ultimate reward is honor, not awards
at odds with the times in wars with no lords

a freelancer,
a battle cry of a hawk make a dove fly and a tear dry
wonder why the lone wolf don't run with a klan
only trust instincts and be one with the plan

some days, some nights
some live, some die
in the way of the samurai
some fight, some bleed
sun up to sun down
the sons of a battlecry

some days, some nights
some live, some die
in the name of the samurai
some fight, some bleed
sun up to sun down
the sons of a battlecry

look, just the air around him
an aura surrounding the heir apparent
he might be a peasant but shine like grand royalty
he to the people and land, loyalty
we witness above all to hear this,
sea sickness in the ocean of wickedness
set sail to the sun set no second guessing
far east style with the spirit of wild west
the "quote-unquote" code stands the test of
time for the chosen ones to find the best of
noble minds that ever graced the face of
a hemisphere with no fear, fly over

the blue yonder
where the sky meets the sea
and eye meets no eye
and boy meets world
and became a man to serve the world to
save the day, the night, and the girl too

some days, some nights
some live, some die
in the way of the samurai
some fight, some bleed
sun up to sun down
the sons of a battlecry

some days, some nights
some live, some die
in the name of the samurai
some fight, some bleed
sun up to sun down
the sons of a battlecry

By Nujabes

So I haven't typed in this shit for ages. Why? because i didn't have a comp for the longest time, but now I have a comp and a sweet ass lap top. thus, why im typing in this fucking journal tonight. So whats been new? Nothing a bunch. Just got a place to live in and been working alot at the Keg.Umm......Yah....Oh yah!!! im getting kicked out at the end of the month, so im putting all my shit in storage and couch surfing for a month to save some money and then get a place to live with my friend who I consider my sister. I was hoping for some other places to live at, but you know how shit goes, stuff don't go through and people bail. But hey, shit happens. So what else am I doing...umm.. I was going to go to school in summer, but I don't think thats gunna happen, Ima try and aim for the fall. So yah, Paigey wanted to throw a party in July, but im wondering if ima be able to do so. Probaly can, but she wants to get a space by april, and I need to have a grand or more saved up and I don't think thats gunna happen. Originaly, i was gunna couch surfe for awhile, but, I really need a place to call my own. I couch surfed for 2 months, it was kewl, but i still want my own place to live. Hmm....Also, now that I have a comp, I need some kind of program that I can record a demo with. Cause then Ill make a demo! and give it to chriss schmidt! Cause Id really like to spin at organix!!!! but thats gunna take some balls on my part XD like..ive only played out infront of people...say..um.....2 times? and both were just random shit that I got a chance to play at. but hey, thats what liquid courage if for! I swear, I spin ten times better when im drunk! i guess cause I don't care what other ppl think and get into the zone. Anyways My movie the golden compass has just finished down loading so ima go watch...


Btw!!!
I just got into Mindless Self Indulgence and holy shiot! Ive never been a fan of alternive rock or w/e that crazy shit is, but they rock my world! If I were gay, Id totaly rape the lead singer. ^^

So check this out, im on a chatroom, using a fantasy charecter to interact with others, aka. RolePlaying. I know its nerdy but when im bored I RP. Anyways, im sitting here like 2 o-clock in the morning, and I started chattin it up with some one else. We get deeper into our conversationa and I find out shes lives in vancouver and shes 17. In my 5 years of roleplaying, ive never met some one else who lives in the same province, let alone city. Anyways, i get her msn and we start chatting it up more on MSN. So it turns out shes a D.J fresh out of Japan, and is with a crew by the name of Ruffneck or sumtim. Its a business, they make their own music and anime music videos which they succesfully sell. I sent her a few anime videos my self and she contacted the boss, which, was interested! So hes giving me a call on thrusday afternoon around 12 to talk! now besides that, me and that girl start chattin it up and hittin it off. Exhcange pictures and now were both like "wow"over each other! I mean how fucking random is that! I feel like this is such a random occurance with a good overview. I mean shit if things go good with the guy and I send him shit he likes and if he's able to sell it..well snap!!! but im not getting my hopes up. Ima wait until I talk witht he guy... Also, me and the girl are both busy but she said she'd call soon to hang out when shes free! So im pretty stoked. Not getting my hopes up but I have a good feeling. You know,,, at the most randomest times, things seem to work in your favour. Synchronisity I tell u!

So im sitting here in school thinking about what got me into electronic music. Before I got into elec.music, I was hardcore into rap. All the gangster rap that was going on when I was 12-13. At the time I was in elementary and in grade 6, the song "Blue" by Eiffle 65 came out. Yes! I know it's cheesy but I fell in love with the song. From that point on, I kept searching for what electronic I could get my hands on. It wasn't much, but began to find the stuff that really interested. For a good portion after elementary I continued to listen to Eiffle 65, also falling in love with the album "Europop". I used to listen to that C.D day in and day out until I finaly got sick of it and lost the C.D. So yah, Eiffle 65 initially got me into electronic music, and to this day, I sometimes do listen to Eiffle 65. At some point, I wish to RMX all the songs I like, ranging from the cheesy trance to the gangster rap! Btw, im sooo into CypressHill. I grew up on that shit when I was a kid when I was living with my mom and it stuck with me. When I really familiarize my self with Ableton and other music making programs I can get my hands on, ima make some mad RMXs!!!

Well I did my graduation ceremony on the 8th and it was frikkin long!! 3 and a half hours! I felt sorry for my best freind, cause him being weird N special in an intelectual way, He almost went nuts, littlerly, nuts. After the grad, he found me and the look he had on his face said he wanted to tear some one's head off, and literaly, he did. Anyways, that was that and it felt really good getting my certificate. The only thing now is that I hafta come back for another semester and take two courses that will tie everything up and then im fully done with skewl. It was awsome! My grandma, mom, cousin and my mom's ex was there! Im the second one out of our family that has made it this far, and it made them proud to watch me cross that stage. That was one of my goals, was to make my family proud of me. So now that the end of this old chapter of my life is coming to a close, a new one is opening up with new oppurtunities(sp). So I now live with my best friend Justin, a guy who litterally looks like my brother. I call him my brother from another mother. See, i was supposed to move back into a foster home for about a month and then get a place of my own in van, but the day I was supposed to move, justin called me and said that the basement room had been cleaned out for me and I could move in at any time. Originaly, I had asked if I could crash on the couch until I found my own place. But Justin talked to his dad and both agreed to allow me to stay there. So I took the opportunitie and moved there. Now my social called me on a monday, following the friday and asked why I didn;t move into the foster home. I told him straight up, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to deal with all those rules, not after living in a semi-independent plan where I made my own rules, well most of them anyways. Freedom to a controlled enviroment? I don't think so. So he was mad, I understand why, but he dosen't want to live with my best friend. But heres the thing, I let him know that it's in my best interest. Why? Straight up, i wasn't motivated to go to collage, but then my best friend gradded 6 months earlier then I did and just recently started going to collage. Justin is a very bright kid, more of the technical thinker and can solve crazy equations and is also intersted making A.I. Im more of the arts side, but yet were both very intelectual. So I looked at him, and decided that I wasn't stupid and that I could also go to collage. Thus, my motivation to go to collage and then transfer to university is Justin. So living in the same home with him, I would be so much motivated to continue my education. Not only that, me and justin will actualy be able to start up a video game project, which is in the process at this very moment. So now I have a meeting with my social worker today, but I am prepared on what to say to him. I must also say that Allen, Justin's dad s a very good male role model. He gives me advice and is telling me what best pathway to go and how to milk the system for what it's got cause im status native. Also, he told me that every day things are a battle. You see, Allen was in the military for 15 years and see's every thing in a military veiw. So he prepped me on what to say to my social worker, and how to take control of the situation. In way, he said, this was a battle. And when I look at it also, it is a battle. A battle to keep this awsomne opportunitie.

So ive been deciding on what to do with my secondary education. For awhile, I was planning to take Audio Engineering at PAVI, but then I really got interested in gameing(sp?). The aspects of creating the levels, character design, the artistic side of gaming, not the A.I and coding and what not. I can’t grasp that stuff, I probably could if I sat down, but its something I don’t wanna do. What changed my main goal from music to games, is the fact that the game industry is ripining up to explode. I mean, look at pong 15 or sumthing years ago, now look at the games today. Where are games going to be 10 years from now? 20 years from now? That’s what really interests me. Im totally still into music, but right now its my hobbie. So I learnt from my friends dad, that the institutes that offer diplomas, like PAVI, The Art Institute of Vancouver, shit like that that fucking milk you for your money, is shitty. Yah sure they teach you how to make games, but only that aspect. Say, they teach you how to create levels. Yah u know how to create levels, but do u know how to do other stuff? Like draw characters or levels, stuff like that. Theres soo much more than that. And in the end, the diploma you get, well fuck, lets just say its good enough to wipe your ass with. Yah sure your learnt something and its to show for, but seriously, compared to a degree? You do the math. So now I know what I really want to do. After im done high skewl, im applying for langara college so that I can transfer to UBC. Then when that’s done, ima take courses on the fine arts side, get a feel for the artisticness, and also take a course in computer arts science and what ever else that interests me. So that’s my goals. Also, im not moving to Vancouver any more. Im staying in Richmond to ensure the completation of my high skewl. Im moving in with my best friend and his dad, cause there, I feel so much more focused on my education, and not only that, me and my friend can actually start working on projects and finish them. Theres been a few projects weve started, but never finished. He’s more of the coder and A.I person, im more of the guy who designs the levels. I haven’t gotten into character design and shit, that I’ll need to go to skewl for. But yah, im gunna milk the system for everything its got. Since im status native, theres plenty of things out that for me, and especially when I finish my skewling, for sure stuff will b there for me. I can already say my education is payed for, so mwuahaha! Ima take advantage. Btw, im grading this year! But im going back for another sysmeter(2 months) to tie up loose ends. Also, for making music, I can just learn that from my friends. I still plan to make my own musik and be a music producer, so that I can also incorporate my own musik in games. What a good idea!

So I report after a nice weekend. Even today is wednesday, I still feel really good after spinning at Megans party ,' Now.Here.This'. A very unexpected night. It began with me chillin with my room mate and paigey getting really drunk at Sarah golds place, and then paige had asked me if I wanted to tag-team with her when her set came around. I gladly said yes, but I was extremely nervous. Why? Cause it would be the second time ever that I would play infront of a crowd. I was gunna chicken out, untill paige phoned megan and asked if it was okay, only to find out that luke wasn't opening and I could open if I wanted to. Hellz yah! So me and paigey tag teamed. It was kinda intimidating, hearing your self play on a big sound system, but I was playing infront of friends so it was all good. Me and paige opened the floor, and I got a couple copliments that the few tracks I spun were good. The night went on and paige, tyler and I pollished a flat of beer and a 2'6 of gin(mmm I lov gin, but not bombay saphire,bad news right there in a bottle for me). I was nicely buzzin, and rising up on the spiceyness I had eaten. When paigey's set came up, I was too nervous and scarred, cause at that time, the floor was nicely packed. Paige called me behind the decks and told me to play. I couldn't say no, cause part of me totaly wanted to spin, then the other half was chicken, but I did it anyways. Fuck though, it was friggin hard at first, becase it seemed as if I was infront of a huge frickin space control panel that wanted to float right of the table(mmm I love spice), but once I got into it, I didn't give a shit and I spun my heart out. Me and paige totaly rocked it out, ripping the shit out of the dance floor, I mean, like fuck! It was friggin amazing! I had a few screw ups, but I covered it up with fresh tracks that got the floor going. After my few tracks and what not that I spun, I gave it over to paige for her to spin her bollywood breaks set, and I recieved so many compliments and pats on the backs! It was a natural euphoria for me! Even at 8-o-clock in the morning, I totaly relized the whole situation, and bathed in the glory of the awsomeness! I have more self-confidence in my spinning now, and hopefully, I'll spin once again. ^^

So I was sitting in math class today, and my mind was wondering, and all I could think of was potatos. I don't know why, but potato it was. Then i was like, 'Hey, what about a talking potato?'. So I came up with two, a magical talking potato, and then a regular potato implanted with an artificial intelegence(sp?) chip with a small speaker phone. Obviously the magical talking potato is so much kewler, but an A.I talking potato? Thats pretty sweet also. If I had two talking potatos, Id put them side by side and just listcen to them talk. What would talking potatos talk about anyways?

I haven’t feel this spiritually light in sooo long. Ever since the weekend, my self wholly is just feeling the best. I feel like a million bucks! So, I ended up dropping some spice on Friday, which led me to crash at my friends. Every one crashed and I was left alone. Alone to my own head and hallucinations. Knowing me, I need something to occupy my self with, otherwise ima go crazy if I just sit there and think and think. So I went longboarding. I must say longboarding in east van at like 5am in the morning is the best ever. Theres barely any one around to disturb your cruising. Anyways, I was cruising along, and I was doing a lot of self journeying at the same time. And my anger came up. My anger and hurt which was brimming at the time. So I sat down underneath some cherry blossoms and analyzed these feelings, and began to cry to the world around me. I bawled my eyes out like a school girl, but I was releasing these bottled up energies I had in me for soo long. There still there, but not as strong any more. I feel so light! I feel as if I could jump over a building! Im loving the world around me, giving thanks every chance I get. So many things are so good right now. I still continue my way down that rocky path, self journeying and still finding stuff about my self and healing my self also. I’ve yet a long way to go, but im reaching that point where I will feel 100% good about my self.

So yah. Pretty much what I thought would happen happened. The whole age thing was an issue, and I guess I scarred her away with that note. But u know what. Im not sorry that I scarred her away, i only said that I liked her and listed three things what I enjoyed about her, and that age was just a number and what not. So if i am sorry, im only sorry cause the note scarred her off. So what big deal. The world continues to spin. But I must say I was a bit sad. Ive always heard that when one thing happens, something else happens to balance it. Equilibrium(sp?). I had passed out around 10pm last night, only to be woken up by a phone call. This really hot native girl finaly gotten ahold of me after us playing phone tag over 2 weeks. I basicly grew up with her when I lived on the reservation back in the day when I was 7 till 13. But yah, we just really hit it off over the phone, talked for awhile and hardcore flirted. So were set to meet up and hang, but when we have a free day which well figure out of the course of the following days. So now im happy once again. The ways of the universe always seem work in my favour when things really emotionaly distress me and what not. Not only that, but raised on my spiritual beliefs that we have spirit guardians, I know they are looking out for me. Not just because of last night, but many many other things that work in my favour. I am still a bit sad when I think of Marla/Carmen, but I know there are so many other girls out there that will aprreciate me for who I am.

So im lost. I really don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about this girl. Theres stuff between us for sure, but yet, I have this feeling that she dosen't want to get involved. Speculations. Age. Shes 21 and im 18. I was told that she liked me, then later on that she felt weird about the whole age situation. Coming from me, age is just a number, its all about the mentality and to all those who know me, u know very well that im well beyound this 18 year old body. But ive taken a step out of my shoes and stepped into her own and anaylized it. From what I processed to a point of understanding, is that im totaly 18. Shes gunna go to bars, and I won't be able to join and have fun with her, and of course theres gunna be hot guys out there. Shes not gunna wanna be strapped down by an 18year old and I totaly understand that. So thats ive come to see. Im probably going to see her again today, and im soo nervous on what shes gunna tell me. I have that dreadful feeling, but u know what, in this letter i wrote to her telling her the things I like about her, the end part was this 'If being more then friends is not an option, then Ill totaly cherrish our friendship we have now" and I will. The hardpart will be getting her out of my system if it ends up being so.

I report once again! I left off with my last post about an encounter with a very beautiful girl, which ended up with me really liking her. For about a week, I thought she was weird about what had happened, but when I talked to her, it was a mix up from friends. So I ended up hanging out with her and kids on the weekend and we just got totally drunk at some home wrecker party. We never really talked, well we do, but we never sat down and had a conversation. Thanks to the booze, me and her sat down and had a huge conversation which made me realize that we totally have things in common. We had connected, and it was awesome. So the night continued on and a bunch of us kids ended up at her place and partied till like 5am. When every one was settling in, we both laid on a blowup mattress in the living and just cuddled and talked and exchanged crazy stories and of course more later on (winkwink). Ive never done that in soo long and it felt good just to lay there with her next to me. So now I sit here, constantly thinking about her. Im just going to sit back and see how things go. I really do like her, but I don’t wannna crowd her, cause shes older then me, but I did ask her if it bothered her that she was 21 and I was 18 and she said no. Strange thing on another note, the majority of girls I attract are always older then me, which is totally friggin awesome!! Anyways, this is what I have to report.

So I had met a really really hot girl on friday, the kind of hot girl that makes you say "God dam" and makes you look twice, at least for me. Shit happened under drunk circimstances(sp?) and I find my self in her bed. Now heres my situation, or was my situation. I ended up really liking the girl, which I didn't expect. Nothing else won't happen past friendship, but in ways I do wish something more would happen. It be too much to expect from some one whos 5 years older then me, and more likely much more promiscuos(sp). But fuck! It wasn't my choice to like the bitch! NO offence to her, (omfg shes sooo fucking hot). So after, was it me or was it just weird? Cause she came on the me while she was drunk, but sobering up shes probaly like "wtf!". In ways, I kind of regret what happened, but then I don't. So anyways I left, but I couldn't stop thinking about her. I had this yearning feeling to see her and it really bugged me. I fucking hate that feeling! Honestly, I have no time for shit like that. Im pretty much busy the whole week, except for weekend. So what did I do to get rid of that feeling? I just got really fucked up on drugs, then got really stoned and played video games until I had overwhelmed the feeling and forgot about it. I do still like her, but it isn't as intense as before. Time probably been much more wiser, but being the strange kid I am, I did what I did.




BTW Mutha Fockers! Im moving on my own pretty quick!!!!

Every one has that feeling, the feeling of not fitting in with a crowd. Well thats how Ive been feeling lately. I tend to get along with every one that I meet, from all crowds, but yet,I get that feeling as if I don't belong. Sure I have lots of friends who I get along with, have the same interests and party with them, but when im standing in a crowd full of them, I just feel weird. Why? I have no clue. Perhaps its post trauma, im used to being by my self? Ive come up with a saying for my self. " Im from all crowds, yet im from none", cause I rarely have any conflicts with anybody from any type of crowd. Bleh. Its not bothering me, but Im merely curious about why I feel I don't belong. Perhaps I just havent had my calling to belong yet and im still floating around gathering data. Only time will tell.

I am proud to say that I am the owner of my first samurai sword ever. A legit samurai sword. Not old skewl, but fairly new, and its not for decoration. Theres a store up the street from my house, known as The Ronin which sells decorative swords, practice weapons, knifes, and samurai swords. I originaly went there to buy a knife cause I had some cash to throw around, but then I noticed the section of swords in the corner. Behold! A vast selection of swords ranging from $200 to a Grand. Now if I had the cash I would've bought a master samurai sword, but I only had enough to buy the $200 one, bought on a discount. Theres a difference. Mine isn't balanced, but its f88cking sharp enough to cleanly slice some ones hand off. The ones going for a grand are made by the masters. Its balanced, looks even nicer. So now I want to collect swords. Samurai swords that is. And oh how I love my sword! I love it so much to the point that I sleep with it.

Courtesy Of Futurama
Godfells Ep.

1)Jin(Benevolence): Being of a charitable nature
2)Yu(Courage): Knowing one's own strengths & weaknesses, thus conquering fear & despair
3)Meiyo(Honor): Outward respect & trust; a high sense of morality
4)Gi(Justice): A constant attempt at fairness & righteousness
5)Chugi(Loyalty): Faithfulness to a cause, idea, or person
6)Rei(Politeness): Correct social conduct
7)Makoto(Verocity): Devotion to truth

These are the seven virtues of Bushido, the code for the samurai. To me, it applies to my everyday life. I would asume that this almost applies to every one else, even though they don't know it. Their actions prove it. The samurai are my favourite warrior there ever was in history. For some reason, I have a huge fascination with japanese culture. Personaly, I think at some point in my previous life, I was a feudal warrior. Did you know that when samurai means "To serve"? Back in the day, I think in the 8th-9nth century, there were a group of warriors on the kanto plains. As time passed the warrios grew and the emperor or shogun, recognized their power and soon began to call on them for their help thus the origins of the term samurai. I have also taken an interest in sparring with my brother-from-another-mother. I practice with a wooden katana and I must say that within this two months time span, I have become really good. Mwuahaha! I hafta say, the Samurai were the Jedi's of their time.

It's 6:28am in the morning, and im sitting here doing some innner investigation on my self. In my last post, I said that I was an angry individual who didn't show it. I never went deep to explain why, So now I explain. Life hands you lemons, and sometimes you get shitty lemons. Unfortunently(sp?)I received those shitty lemons. I was the first child that My mom brought into this life and at a young age. She was only 14. Now you know how hard it is to continue to go to school and look after a child. But my mom not being smart, she gave birth to my three other sisters, the fourth sister coming into life at a very later date. Sooo hard, I can only imagine for my mother to take care of us all. She tried hard, she tried really hard but she couldn't do it so she gave us up. But she tried to get us back. There where times where she did manage, but partying it up with my auntie, she lost us again. We went into foster homes. At this time it was Roxana, Maria and me. I remember the day our mom left us. She left us playing in the other room and just left without saying goodbye. I think that was the saddest day in my life and my sisters. Foster parents are given power to look after children and for taking care of children they get money, but there are foster parents who only do it for the money and abuse the children. Well thats what happened to us. We had no sense at that age to say anything. Any time we had a visit with our grandma, we'd scream and cry, telling her we didn't want to go back to that awful place. She didn't know why, but she knew something more was going on and couldn't do anything. Fastforwarding. We must of stayed there for close to 6 months and more, then finaly moved. From that point we shifted from foster home to foster home, sometimes in the care of our mom until she fucked up, until our grandma took us. At that time, me and my sisters were soo psycholgicaly fucked that our grandma couldn't help us. It hurt her to watch us suffering from within so she had to do what she had to do. We were split up and placed in different foster homes. I went to a group home, which happened to be one of the greatest place during that phase for me. Things were good, until I was yet again placed into a foster home, who the parents were first nation. Now here was the problem, these foster parents had good intentions, but yet still had problems of their own deep in the core of their soul. The foster mom was sexualy and physicaly abused at a very young age and the foster dad was also sexualy and physicaly abused in a bording school. Everything was good for about a year, then things just slowly started to become bad, and I mean real bad. For seven fucking grueling years, I was in that foster home, brainwashed into thinking I couldn't do anything, meanwhile I could have. So this is how I started to smoke pot and esclate into other stuff, which I don't regret doing. It was a way to escape that shitty life and it felt good cause in a way I was rebelling. Around the age of 13, I was in..mmm I think gr 9, I was almost 14 also. I attended Lord Byng Satalite and that was where I met Paige. This was a turning point in my life. The way of the cosmos brought our paths together, and I believe it was meant to be. Lol, I remember the day that everything started to look brighter for me. The teachers at the school were trying to catch the main students who went to go smoke pot at brakes and lunch. This being Paigey me and a good portion of the class. So it was the last brake before the end of the day and the teachers left, saying they were going to the store. It was an obvious set up, but fuck! We didn't even see it. Walking down the street and into an alley we began to smoke pot and that exact moment they pull up hardcore in a car and catch us. Fucking trippy shit. So yah, previous to that we got caught before so this was the last straw. We got booted. That day, I was so scared on returning home. I didn't know what the fuck they were going to do to me. They demanded perfect from me and I had gotten kicked out. I let paigey know I was too scared to go home, so she said to hand out with her. That was the day that I met Dave and turner and a few other kids. I felt a big release. I was free. I ended up going to my grandmas and lived with her for awhile, but yet again I went a bit crazy with all the freedom that I had gotten, so she moved me to a more stable home. So basicly, living in a few shitty foster homes and being abused all ways is the epicenter of my anger. But the thing is, is that Ive dealt with those problems. I've gone and forgiven the foster dad. I told him I hated him for all those things he did for me, but I forgave him cause I knew he had his own problems. He was the closet thing I ever had to a father. The foster mom on the other hand died before I had a chance to speak with her, but at her funeral, they have a burning. A shamam will burn all the possesions of the dead so that the spirit may have supplies in the next world. The foster mom was able to pass a message to the shamam, which relayed it to me. Ive never known the shaman, but what she said she couldn't have known. What she told me was that Ellie was sorry for everything that she put me through, but she was glad that I was to be at Josephs side when he needed support, which she asked me to do before hand when she was alive. All my problems relating to them was solved. But this never solved the anger within me. So this is where my anger comes from. Sitting bottled up in me. I can seriosly feel it. It affect me. I become agitated at the smallest things, I become very angry when Im mistreated and I'll find a way to get back at the person. When I become stressed, I become angry for no reason and recently, My heart will skip. So this is the insight of my anger. Why it is there. Ive come to terms with what has happened. In the long run, all what has happened has forged me into a strong person. I strive to make my own mark in this world. I won't let anything get in my way. Im going all the way to the top baby, and I vow that I will.(excuse all the typos.)

So I have redeemed my self after trading my turntables for an ounce of K. It was fun during the time, but what a frikkin stupid idea it was. I mean, who really needs a whole ounce of k? Bragging rights? Bleh. I swear, if there was a God of turntablism, He/she or it would give me a swift kick in the ass! Anyways, Moving along. I have purchased my self a pair of Pioneer 200s!!!and now a Kaoss Pad 3! Oh the aliencentric sounds, bleeps and bloops and the woooowaasss I have at my finger tips! Whats next is a couple of mackies and a phat subwoofer so I'd be able to start throwing my own events without the cost of renting others. Sweet sugary technological toys! Oooo!Recently, also. Ive gotten accepted for a week long course at the Art Institute of Canada for Electronic Music creation! Im pretty stoked! Im really concentrating now on my post secondary education, and im torn between music production and Game level design. Bleh. But, the good thing, the huge ass sum of money Ill have to fork out, I wont hafta! Due to cause Im aboriginal! Mwuauaha! My band pays for the education, along with if I get some killer scholar ships that are available to me since Im a permanent ward of the government. Anyways. Thats the most recents things that are going on for me, besides still being an angry individual who still needs to vent his anger. It dosen't show, but its sure eating me up inside. some one help me and tell me how I can vent!